If you suffer from anger issues, it could be due to the rage that you feel from being abandoned. This anger has the goal of revenge on everyone in the surrounding world because your physical and emotional needs were not met. This anger wants to inflict revenge on any individual who has hurt you, either physically or emotionally.
It is not unusual for those attempting suicide to report that the suicide is a bid for revenge. “When I’m dead they’ll see, they’ll miss me when I’m gone and they will have to live with the guilt that my death is their fault.”
Individuals often turn to drugs, alcoholism and sexual endeavours as an attempt to ignore or bury the real problem: their feelings of abandonment.
Those who have feelings of abandonment often struggle with relationships due to the rage felt. As soon as your significant other offends you, you become hurt, which manifests itself as anger. To cope with the pain, which caused the anger, you used a defence mechanism, and pushed them away, rejecting their love. By shutting yourself down emotionally, you exacted your revenge on those who had the potential to hurt you, by hiding how you feel. However, you will always feel misunderstood because you are not disclosing how you feel.
This defence mechanism may work in the short term, but in the long term you are doing more harm than good. By pushing everyone with the potential to hurt you away, you won’t get hurt, but at the same time you won’t feel loved, which is a primary human need. You will be alone without a much needed support network of friends, family and therapist.
To heal yourself of these feelings of abandonment you must to be able to admit that your anger affects you and examine how your anger affects you. You will need to explore that this anger is primarily felt after rejection, abandonment or a blow to the ego. It will then be your decision on how you react after that feeling of hurt. In order to move forward you will need to make the decision to react without anger.
Analyse situations that make you angry or hurt and scrutinize every emotion felt after these encounters. These can then be identified as your triggers. This way you now have a better understanding of why you react in the way that you do and so now you understand the why you can go onto managing your reactions to these triggers. These triggers can often be linked to early childhood experiences where emotions had to be suppressed.
It is important to look at why you are anger and understand these triggers in order to heal from the pain of abandonment. Attending on of our programs can do this: either Beating Anger 1 or Beating Anger 2.
Written by Hannah Johnson